In conversation with Jayne Mattingly
Jayne Mattingly is a nationally recognized disability advocate, body image speaker, and author of ‘This Is Body Grief’, a groundbreaking book about what it means to grieve a body that no longer reflects the life you once lived or thought you would live.
Jayne coined the term Body Grief to name the very real and often overlooked mourning process that comes with living in a body. She is also the artist behind Dying for Art, an ongoing series of bold, abstract paintings that explore what it means to create in a body that is constantly navigating decline, pain, and beauty.
Jayne’s art, like her book, is a rebellion against erasure—proof that disabled bodies can hold grief and power, stillness and brilliance, all at once.
What does feminism mean to you?
Feminism for me is understanding that advocating requires that I use my platform and privilege to give voice to the intersection between our inherent rights as humans and the social justice initiatives which actualize that power. My book ‘This Is Body Grief’ allowed me a vehicle to put that belief into action by educating all individuals about the personal and societal disenfranchisement that comes from living in a body and how that inherent discord can be used as a source of powerful transformation.
“One of the greatest lessons I have learned through this journey is that it is okay to Grieve. I have become very attune with my body - both my pains and my joys. I unapologetically give myself the permission to sit with my emotions, experience my physicality, and Grieve for what could have been, what is, and what I want to be. By allowing myself, knowingly, to experience Body Grief, I am able to tap into an internal well of understanding that allows me to transmute that experience for myself in a way that is beautiful.” - Jayne Mattingly
Congratulations on publishing your book, This Is Body Grief, earlier this year! Could you elaborate on what “body grief” means?
Through dismantling the narrative that your body is “against you,” you give voice to new ways of coping with her fluctuating abilities with self-compassion and grace. Body Grief is the lack of resonance and internal discord a person experiences in their own body for whatever is true for the individual. Body Grief goes beyond sadness. It is the emotional response, regardless of what that emotion is, to the internal and external expectations placed on your body. Like all grief, Body Grief cannot be overcome. It is a constant that brings with it a need to be felt in all its complexity.
What sparked your journey to explore body grief?
My personal exploration of Body Grief came as an evolution. As I received multiple chronic illness diagnoses, underwent surgeries that decimated the body I once knew, and was put on a new path not of my own choosing to navigate the world in a disabled body, I chose to become curious.
I am a trained therapist and understanding the ‘why’ behind what I was thinking and feeling became an important part of me navigating my own Body Grief and so I made it my mission to dig deep and educate myself on Body Grief, how it manifests itself, and how to navigate it as a human in the modern world.
It is important to make a distinction though that ‘‘why’ doesn’t mean a complete knowing or understanding. Body Grief is a physical, spiritual, and emotional acceptance of your body and what it means to you. There is no ‘right’ way to do Body Grief and the experience of Body Grief never truly comes to an end and is something every human is navigating to some degree throughout their lifetime.
How has your relationship with your body evolved since you began this journey?
One of the greatest lessons I have learned through this journey is that it is okay to Grieve. I have become very attune with my body - both my pains and my joys. I unapologetically give myself the permission to sit with my emotions, experience my physicality, and Grieve for what could have been, what is, and what I want to be. By allowing myself, knowingly, to experience Body Grief, I am able to tap into an internal well of understanding that allows me to transmute that experience for myself in a way that is beautiful.
As humans, we often experience various intersecting identities that shape our experiences. How do you think that your experience of body grief was also shaped by being a woman?
As a woman experiencing Body Grief, I was forced to confront many patriarchal stereotypes of femininity and actively choose to serve as a representation of something different. My body has a softness now and is at a larger size from living life in a wheelchair. I lost the ability to bear children. My role in my marriage was forced to evolve. All of the traditional aspects of being considered ‘feminine’ have changed for me and yet I feel I am more powerful, more dignified, and more impactful than ever before because of the greater purpose I have found through my own Body Grief.
If you could snap your fingers and create an inclusive and accessible world for disabled folks, what would it look like?
My hopes for an inclusive and accessible world for the disabled aren’t that radical. Safe sidewalks and means of transportation, bathrooms with accessible toilet heights, stores and business establishments with ramps to enter and aisles wide enough for wheelchairs to pass through, closed captioning and sign language support for those with sight and hearing needs, equal employment rights - these are simple things for which the technology and ability exist to enact and yet the social construct in which we live prevents.
Healing can be difficult work that requires time and effort. What are some everyday practices that have helped you heal your relationship with your body?
My Dying for Art series and the process of creating my artwork have been the most transformational component to healing how I process my Body Grief. I feel I became an artist the moment my father first taught me about paint as a child. Rediscovering my passion for painting and using the canvas, colors, and textures of the painting process to express and transform my Body Grief into a tangible and visible signifier of the beauty that can come from varied emotional states has been truly transformative for me. I wake up each day and go to sleep each night thinking about painting with excitement to get my feelings and thoughts onto canvas.
Thank you so much for sharing your valuable insights with us. What are the best ways our community can support your work?
Commissioning artwork from my Dying For Art series, buying a copy of ‘This Is Body Grief’ following me on social media and supporting my advocacy are all ways your community can support my work.
Links to all are available at: www.jaynemattingly.com
